UGH...Pass me the REMOTE!

Task 7 Review:  The Macy’s competition using Trump’s Menswear line marks the end of the girls vs. boys arrangement.  With Brandy and David leading the teams, each side set about to develop and execute a photo shoot to market the shirts, cuff links  and ties designed by The Donald.  David immediately  began channeling Karl Lagerfeld looking for another success as a creative mastermind.  His clear dislike for Anand was palpable.  Poppy became involved in creating and yet another tacky deliverable.  She cleverly (insert sarcasm here) creates a ‘T’, as in Trump, of thumbnail photos.  WOW, break out the glue gun!  Meanwhile Stephanie continued offering worthless advice.  I kept waiting for her to give another self-aggrandizing narrative about her prior experience as a tailor of men’s clothing in Milan or stint as a magazine editor on Madison Avenue.  That Stephanie really gets around.  Too bad that she was so busy stroking David’s ego, that she failed to mention that the model’s clothes didn’t fit. 

Speaking of girls who get around, Brandy was having issues of her own.  The models booked for Team Octane did not show up.  Awww shucks.  That is so surprising (wink, wink).  And of course, who would be more than willing to take one (a photo that is) for the team?  Not to be out pimped,  Steuart jumps into the fray.  The morning after theme was brought to you by Clint/Pat Robertson as he dubbed Trump’s brand, “wealth, power and sexual prowess”.  While I am sure that Mr. Trump loves that moniker, no one else (including the Macy’s execs) was comfortable with the overtly sexual appeal.  Though Brandy had previously asserted that she did not want to use sex to sell, her Fortitude had weakened a few weeks back with ‘Babes on Bikes’. What remained totally collapsed, as did my respect for her, when she hopped on the bed in nothing but her man’s shirt and cheesed for the camera with Stu’s hand on her leg. Good thing Clint had already ascertained that Brandy had good legs. Not sure that’s what Jesus would do, my man . 

As the two teams make presentations to the Macy’s folks, the unthinkable happens.  Brandy stumbles over her own words as she reads from her note cards.  You may recall that Steuart did the same thing the previous week.  I cannot resist but point out that these two contestants experienced a similar lapse in eloquence as I did.  What is not similar is the way in which these two’s gaffes were handled by Mr. Trump.  Steuart received a five second slap on the wrist. Brandy’s was not even discussed.  Meanwhile, I am labeled illiterate and unable to read or speak.  If we were dancing to ‘Cotton Eyed Joe’, there would be a refrain that I would sing at the top of my lungs right about now. 

But I digress.  As both projects and teams were evaluated, David clearly sets himself up as the sole proprietor of Fortitude’s project.  He seems meek and mild.  Perhaps the model gave him his number.  Or maybe they slipped him a Xanax.  Whatever they did, his firing was anti-climactic and totally un-David.  No chairs were overturned.  For the first and only time, David seemed sane.  I think that everyone was just sick of him.  He was probably sick of himself too—he went out with a whimper.  I don’t think that either project was really great.  Trump’s ego just once again did the thinking for him.  This week was fairly dull as most of them have been since my departure (I know I may be a little biased), but next week’s teaser about catching a cheater leaves me hoping for better.

OWN IT-ISM #7:  When you brand yourself, own the brand and protect the brand.  Crazy David did not do that, Moral Majority Clint did not do that, Brains over Breasts Brandy did not do that.  This week they each sold out to win.  Winning a task and losing your brand in the process is nothing to celebrate.

TASK 8 REVIEW:  With David gone, we should have known that something would have to be done to get everyone talking again.  The teasers, “Who is the Cheater?” ran all week.  Speculation ran wild (not really, but it sounds cool).  We didn’t have to wait long to see Anand get called on the carpet for texting during the Pedi Cab Task.  Apparently, Anand had been inviting friends to come to the task site and bring him money.  It was really painful watching him lie to Mr. Trump’s face, but Anand owned his mistake-eventually.  Everyone looked uncomfortable.  If you look very closely a couple of contestants look downright nauseated.  According to Ahnan’s most recent interview, they had good reason to be nervous.  Apparently there is more than one cheater on this show.  Though Ahnan deserved to be fired, he should have had a few friends flanking him as he took his walk of shame sans cab and overcoat.  This marks another firing with extreme prejudice.  My, Mahsa and Anand’s firings had distinctly personal, inaccurate and damaging treatments.  I won’t drag you through the details but suffice to say, this show is the reason that the Today Show aired a special about suicides rising among reality stars.  Each one of us knew what we were getting into, but none of us expected what we got.  The brutal, career ending labels of illiterate, lying and cheating are not easy to overcome in good economic times.  In this climate, they can prove fatal.

After Ahan’s departure, the Kim Kardashian fragrance display task begins.  Poppy steps up to lead Fortitude and Clint takes charge of Octane.  Poppy and Stephanie immediately relegate Liza to the warehouse to do the dirty work.  I could really go off here, but I will refrain.  The last time I made some comments regarding the treatment of people of color on the show, I got a letter from NBC legal.  So I won’t say anything about Liza being treated like ‘the help’.  She seemed grateful to get away from Meanie (Stephanie) and Weenie (Poppy).  As the two blonde's drive away to procure supplies, the plotting begins—not that it ever really ended.

Octane’s leader, Clint, immediately hones in on Brandy to help with the perfume perspective.  Now, I have to let Clint off the chauvinist hook here as the lone girl on the team insists that she just isn’t that girly.  This is the same girl that was half naked last week and making salacious comments to Mr. Trump about her preference for older men.  Color Clint confused.  One week she is a hot mama willing to shake it fast, and the next week Gloria Steinem has inhabited her body.  She bemoans her plight to a sympathetic Ivanka to provide herself with an out should Clint and his first mate, Stueart, decide to throw Brandy under the bus in the boardroom. 

In the end, there is no contest whatsoever as Poppy’s team loses soundly.  She apparently tied her boa too tight and lost circulation to her brain that would have alerted her to the fact that her project looked like Hobby Lobby meets Penthouse.  Her firing follows a typical screech fest between Liza and Stephanie.  Had those two just stayed quiet, they would have noticed their dizzy PM had basically taken the fall ten minutes earlier.  But in true Fortitude fashion, we have to have screaming banshees to round out the evening.  Maybe it’s just me, but this stuff is harder to watch every week.  The best part of the whole show was Poppy’s cab ride where she proudly tells the audience that she wants to pursue a career in fashion, intergalactic space flight or dentistry.  Sorry, Pops…Stephanie did all that already.  Nevertheless, the Rockport Next Steps (which is usually just Mr. Trump’s size 11’s walking all over your dead, fired boy and professional reputation) is a bit on Poppy talking about her new job as a stem cell researcher.  At that point, I looked around waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind my television. 

OWN IT-ISM #8:  Owning your mistakes is honorable and right.  It is also almost always fatal.  But at least you die a hero and not a coward.